My husband and I have always wanted a larger family. When we first got married, we tossed around the idea of having six kids. It was a vague notion, sort of a romantic idea of being surrounded by many little obedient angels. We had no clue of the reality of having a large family - the sacrifice, the tears, the cultural stigma. Somehow God put that tiny seed into our hearts and over time it grew into a full fledge conviction.
God has taken us through a winding path to get here, to get us to the point of fully trusting Him with our fertility. It started with infertility and the cold, knawing, painful realization that we were not in control of my womb. What an amazing experience that was, one that I'm happy the Lord brought into my life, in spite of how painful it was.
I see this pregnancy the same way. Painful for now. I know that these coming months will be hard for me. Fear will threaten to overtake me. But IF I believe God is who He says He is and that His will is for my best, I cannot second guess what He is doing in my life. He has placed a child into my womb, a womb that isn't completely whole. He has asked us to trust Him with our fertility, with my body, even when its hard.
He may ask me to give my life. He may ask me to give my child's life. The non-spiritual part of me hates those thoughts. However, anything that happens to me is nothing compared to the sacrifice that Jesus gave for me. How dare I shirk my conviction now. Convictions are easy to follow when they don't cost anything.
No comments:
Post a Comment